SENT 2018 was truly a roller-coaster ride but here are several things that I’m reminded of and have learnt:
1) it matters not what man plans but what God intends.
– upon reflection I realised I was held back with many doubts about my nomination into the committee as an ops head. Did these people really know me well enough to think that I would have this skill set? It seemed like a back-up plan. Maybe they really didn’t have anyone else already so they asked me? I unknowingly held onto these doubts and thoughts for so long that my attitude was so trashy lol (but that’s for another point). I forgot that it was a privilege alone to take part in God’s plan and he doesn’t even need me as a backup to do whatever he wants to do with his people. 2nd/3rd/4th/nth choice I was didn’t matter. God uses all of us simply as we come and simply as we avail ourselves. There is no competition as is in the human world. There is no fight to prove myself to anyone, even God, for I am already justified by grace through faith in Christ (lol God knows we be doomed if we tried to prove ourselves to him haha).
2) hands that are willing to serve and a heart that is subject to the interest of God
– in the midst of assignments to be submitted and finals to be taken, I was incredibly selfish in my attitude, forgetting the initial goal of serving the Lord, His church and my family. I was reluctant to take on additional responsibilities that came along and the stuff I had to do because “it wasn’t what I signed up for” and the job description caused me a lot of headaches on what I was supposed to do lol. In this period it was really stretching and when the ugly side of me began to show as well. my attitude and heart towards service was being challenged and with my lips I expressed it needed to change but it was difficult to really sit, reflect and repent. My heart was still indignant. By God’s grace, Tammy came along and her spirit of excellence and concurrent consideration for people among other stellar things modelled and sparked something in me. It wasn’t even a conscious decision on my part I think. I was just pulled into such an orbit and in this way God answered my weak prayers…
3) everyone a precious child of God and literal brothers and sisters I will see for eternity
– as part of my general lethargy, forgotten aim to contribute to the Church and short-sightedness on community, I invested little energy into the weekly meetings and sharing sessions I had with the comm. Granted, it all coincided with a season where I felt a need to retreat and to share less. However, I was also emotionally detached and disinterested in their lives, doing little to build up this community and simply waiting for the moment I could leave and get back to all the other things that needed to be done. I saw little practical value in these sharings, feeling that people have cells for that and we’d never be as close anyway. What a joke I am hahahaha.. I did not bear the fruits of the spirit. I was not loving, joyful, forbearing, kind, faithful nor gentle. I forgot that these people are precious children of God and literal brothers and sisters in my eternal community. Forgot that I too am called to be a disciple-maker, an iron to sharpen iron and to be sharpened by others.
In the end, I’m so thankful for this experience and grateful for things to come around and the new friends I’ve made. I feel much more connected to the church and that’s kinda important because otherwise it increasingly seems like a building and not the body of Christ. Recently, I’ve been thinking really granular when it comes to the Church, and while it’s still really important for each part to play their part lol, it’s still important to pay attention to the macro-level seeing as i am not just a part of my cell but also indeed, a part of Riverlife Church (which itself is within an even larger context of Singapore, so on and so forth..)
ok lol the end.